More crazy school. Drama, drama, drama, a little bit of actual schoolwork, and some more drama. Oh did I mention drama?

Ugh. It makes me all so sick. I hate all the backstabbing and idiotic "going out" and the fact that guys get me so screwed up. I'm going to be truthful for a few minutes. I haven't been truthful in a month so it will be good to be real with myself. I actually never really had that many guys who liked me. Last year I was homeschooled and didn't have a chance to be with guys but this year in public school...I just never thought that this many would like me or want to mess up my life! Idiots.

That was sort of an odd paragraph but whatever. Yea, so, truthful. Back to that. I like the attention. Let me correct that...I LOVE the attention. I like the feeling of being loved and thought of by many but deep inside there's only one I want to be loved by and thought of by.......JESUS.

Lord, I love you so much. Right now, sitting here, I feel like I'm going to explode with all the love in my heart. I know (believe me, I know) that I have barely even given you a thought these past weeks. Yes, I admit, I've prayed to you in the halls, rushing to my next class, when I'm kicking my locker trying not to cuss, and when I'm talking to the guy I want most to care about me. But Lord this life I've been leading isn't fulfilling. I feel empty. I want You. Heck, I NEED You. I've always felt that you were there for me, waiting to help me out but You've been so distant lately. When I prayed today I felt like I was just some crazy person yelling at the sky instead of your child screaming for help. I felt all alone. It was a weird, terrifying feeling because all my life you've been my best friend and I don't want that to change now. Not when I need you the most. No one understands how tough it is for me to adjust. I feel alone but then I feel overcrowded, I feel scared then comfortable, I feel dirty then all high and mighty. But all I can think about right now is how much I need You. I need to talk to you so bad. Everything's been going by so fast and since that thing happened today I have a horrible feeling in my stomach, like I'm going to be sick. I need You. I've said that so many times in the past few minutes but I don't care anymore.

I NEED YOU!

<3 Carsen